


Mistletoe, Spongebob and *Thud*

by Highlander_II



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: Crack Fic, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-10-16
Updated: 2002-10-16
Packaged: 2017-10-02 02:05:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Highlander_II/pseuds/Highlander_II
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's New Year's Eve and Harmony forgot to give Angel his Christmas present, but she doesn't realize Spike has made some 'changes'.</p><p>Spoilers for Season 5.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mistletoe, Spongebob and *Thud*

**Author's Note:**

> Random as hell - humor-ish.

Harmony, bouncing in her three-inch heeled pumps, knocked on the boss' door and waited for a reply. She straightened her skirt and adjusted her blouse and hair.

"Come in," came the heavy voice of the brooding vampire on the other side.

Harmony pushed the door open and bounced over to and around his desk. "Hi, Boss," she greeted with a toothy grin.

"Hello, Harmony," Angel sighed. "What can I do for you?"

"Oh, I don't need anything. It's what I can do for _you_." She watched his face; he looked frightened for a moment, then he turned back to the paperwork on his desk.

"Not now, Harmony."

She blinked. "Uh, I just thought you might want your present before you go out for your New Year's Eve drink with Blondie Bear. With all the confusion around here lately, I completely forgot to give it to you." She held out a rectangular gift box wrapped in striped pink paper.

"Present?" he looked up, confused, but smiling at the pet name Harmony used for Spike.

"Yuh huh. Christmas. You know, that holiday in December that makes people act different?"

Angel put his pen down. "Uh, right. Thanks." He took the box and started pulling at the ribbon.

Harmony slid herself onto Angel's desk and crossed her legs; her skirt sliding higher up her thighs as she did. She saw Angel take a quick glance at her legs, then he turned back to the box and started peeling the paper off. He was different than Spike. Spike tore the paper into little shreds and made a big mess when he had opened his Christmas gifts. But Angel, Angel loosened the ribbon, slid it off, loosened the tape and unfolded the edges of the paper, slowly revealing the box beneath. He shook the box apart, lifting the lid, and pulled the pinkish colored tissue paper away from the item inside.

"Uh, Harmony…"

She peered over his arm and into the box. She growled and snarled. "Ugh! Oh, Spike! I'm gonna kill you! No, really! Dammit! That is not the present I got you. Ugh. Why did he do that?"

Angel blinked, confused. "So, you didn't buy me silk boxer shorts with Spongebob Squarepants and a dragon on them?" He held up the garment in question.

Harmony grunted again. "Ugh. No. I got you something nice. Now I have to kill Spike _and_ find your present." She crossed her arms over her chest in a pout.

Angel put the boxers back into the box and set it aside. "Tell ya what," he began as he leaned back in his chair, "I'll hold him down and you can hit him." A small smile crept over his face as he spoke, the thought of someone harming Spike a pleasant treat.

"I don't know," Harmony sighed and uncrossed and recrossed her legs, kicking Angel's knee in the process. "Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to kick you."

"It's all right, Harmony."

"I'm just having a terrible day. First, the phones wouldn't stop ringing - there were people on the other end this time, not squealing noises. Then, Spike totally ruins my present. Now I'm kicking you. This is just horrid." She leaned her head into her hands, but leaned a little too far forward and fell off the desk. Angel was fast enough to catch her before she fell to the floor and steadied her. Her arms around his neck, she leaned in and kissed him on the mouth.

Angel tugged at her arms and pushed her away, gently. "Uh, Harmony, I don't think…" She pointed over his head and he looked up. "Mistletoe." He sighed and released his hold on her arms, taking a quick look toward the window where he thought he had heard a sound.

"Spike or Lorne put it there, would be my guess," she commented as she slid herself back onto Angel's desk, her skirt sliding up farther than it had before. "But, it's like tradition or something. If you're under the mistletoe…"

Angel held up a hand. "I know the drill. Thanks."

"Sometimes you are so oblivious, Angel." She glanced up and saw him looking very cross. "Well, you are. Like, did you know that Spike's just outside the office, watching everything we're doing?"

Angel frowned and crossed his arms over his chest. "Is he now?" He did not look toward the large bay of windows, in case Harmony was right, but that would explain the sound he had heard. She nodded. "Well, then, what should we do about that?"

Harmony smiled. "You could throw me down on the desk and pretend to ravage me. That ought to piss him off."

Angel looked concerned. "You think that would work?"

Harmony sighed. "Well, yeah. He's all about sticking it to you. He wants what you've got, or you're supposed to get. So, why not give him a taste of his own medicine? Take something that he had." She smiled an evil smile at him and rubbed the toe of one shoe up and down his leg.

"Um, Harmony," Angel took a half-step away from her. "I'm really not that good an actor."

She smiled at him again. "We could do it for real. It wouldn't mean anything, unless you wanted it to, and it would piss off Spike. I don't think you'd lose your soul, or anything, since I'm a vampire."

_She doesn't even know she just insulted herself, even though, she's probably right._ Angel hedged. "I don't know, Harmony. I don't want to have to pick up all this stuff and rearrange my desk. I just got it all set the way I like it."

"You are so anal, Angel."

He frowned, deep. "That's a good way to be out of a job."

She blinked at him and reached her leg out to rub her foot against his leg again. "Well, you are. And it's kinda cute."

"Wha…?" He blinked fast, startled.

She shrugged. "It's kinda cute that you're oblivious and broody and a little uptight."

"Uh, well, that's different." He tilted his head and looked at her. "Are you sure this plan will work?"

Glaring at him, she made an 'oh please' face. "Of course it'll work. He's watching and doesn't like it when other people play with his toys." She reached a hand out and traced a finger down Angel's chest, bracing herself on the desk with her other hand. "Play with me, Angel," she said teasingly. "I'm not wearing panties."

He slid his hands into his pockets, trying not to react to her last statement, and thought for a moment. Harmony's finger was still tracing lines over his chest and her foot was rubbing his leg - very distracting. He looked down at her hand on his chest, then at her; drew his hands from his pockets, took enough of a step forward that she needed to uncross her legs to avoid serious injury to his groin, slid his hand into her hair, held her neck and pulled her toward his mouth for a kiss. He heard another noise beyond the office window, but ignored it. He trailed his free hand up Harmony's leg and let his fingers duck beneath the hem of her skirt, which had ridden so far up her legs it almost was no longer a skirt, to trace the edge of the lace at the top of her stockings.

Harmony grasped Angel's shoulders, then pushed her hands into his hair, discovering there really was not as much gel as everyone claimed there was. It was soft and hair-like. She kissed back, opening her mouth to invite his tongue, even though it took him a moment to realize what she wanted. She tucked one leg around one of his, pulling him closer.

Angel slid his hand from beneath her skirt and shoved supplies and papers off his desk, onto the floor. She broke their kiss with a gasp. Then he pushed Harmony, forcefully, down onto the desk and unfastened his pants, leaning over her slightly.

"Oh, Angel," Harmony moaned, reaching up to unbutton his shirt and push it off his broad shoulders. "Are you gonna…" she was cut off by his mouth covering hers again.

He reached under her skirt and grabbed her hips, dragging her toward him. Leaning in close to her ear, he whispered, "Move. You've gotta handle the acting part. I'll follow you."

"Uh huh," she gasped and started grinding her hips against his, bracing her heels against the edge of the desk, her knees pressing into the backs of his arms and shoulders. A shiver ran down her spine when he raked his tongue over her neck. She felt him harden against her and heard him moan in her ear. She turned her head and whispered to him, "Just do it, Angel. I promise I won't go all blood-eyed on you."

_That was oddly comforting._ He moved his hips to look like he was actually having sex with Harmony and heard another noise outside the office window. He smiled against Harmony's neck. "I don't think that's really necessary, Harmony, he's getting angry with just this."

Harmony rolled her eyes. "You are such a prude, Angel. A cute prude, but still…" She gasped and moaned as his strong fingers grasped her hip and held tight. She trailed her hands down his arms, over his bare chest, to the waist of his pants. He moaned and his teeth pinched the skin on her neck. Determined to reach their destination, her hands moved to his boxers - silk _maybe those Spongebob ones won't go to waste after all_ \- and her fingers grazed over his erection, eliciting another moan and a sharp tug at her hips.

"Harmony, stop," he hissed in her ear.

She licked the side of his face. "Come on now, Boss, you know how much this will irritate Spike. You're dying to piss him off just a little bit more," she purred in his ear. "You want me to wriggle to make him scream. Not to mention, making Spike jealous - always fun. He's still hung up on… well, you know who." She pouted at the thought and wiggled her fingers against Angel's groin.

Surprised he could form thoughts, much less speak, Angel growled back, "I don't think this is the best idea…." His hips thrust forward, into her hands, with a mind and determination of their own. He closed his eyes and inhaled the subtle scent of her perfume. "But, it has been a while…" He groaned as her hands moved again. "…but, I really shouldn't. Bad things happen when…"

"Shut up, Angel," Harmony insisted. "Just let go. Just once."

He was resisting - a lot. Or, he was trying to… and having little luck at it. Her fingers were working their way into his shorts and he was finding it terribly hard to tell her to stop. Closing his eyes again, he rested his head against the desk and whispered, "Okay."

Harmony squealed and worked her hands beneath the silk of his boxers, drawing out the object of her search. "Come on, Angel, now you _do_ have to help a little," she told him, grabbing the edges of his pants and pulling him toward her. She tilted her hips up when he pulled her toward him and pressed himself against her. He entered her and she wrapped her legs around his hips, drawing him as close as she could and losing a shoe in the process.

Angel heard another gasp and a solid 'thud' just outside his office. This time, he had to look up at the window - Spike had passed out. _Great. Someone call medical… or maintenance.. or both, he probably banged his head against my wall to knock himself out. Stupid vampire._ He shook his head and pushed the button on his desk to darken the windows, then returned his concentration to Harmony, who was doing the most delightful things with her hands in his hair and on his neck. He trailed kisses along her jawline to meet her hungry mouth. She pushed against him, meeting his hips as he moved. He tasted the skin of her neck, her face, her shoulder. This was different than the sex-while-under-the-influence he had had with Eve. Not because he was getting at Spike - though that made this fun too - but, because Harmony seemed to really be into it. _Which should be really disturbing. She works for me. Doesn't that make this inappropriate?_

"Angel, you think too much," Harmony panted in Angel's ear. "Let go. Don't think." She nipped at his ear and he growled and thrust harder into her. "Yes. Like that." Her legs tightened around his waist and she dragged her fingernails down his back. The biggest difference between this and her little tryst with Spike - aside from the bleeding eyes thing - was that Angel was actually enjoying himself, unlike Spike, who was just trying to get off. Not that she was interested in beginning an office romance with her boss - yeah, that would go over real well with the rest of the office staff - but maybe Angel would lighten up a little and stop brooding so much.

Harmony moaned in his ear and his hands tightened on her hips. He felt the demon inside, working its way forward, trying to reach out and taste the woman beneath him. Fighting, holding, he pushed it back down, away. "Harmony…" he groaned, viciously kissing and licking at her face and neck, moving down to open her shirt and expose her breasts. The demon tried to rear its ugly head, but Angel kept it from fully appearing. Why was this happening? His soul was still in place - he could feel it - so that could not be it. Was it Harmony? Was she drawing out some animalistic instinct?

His large hands covered and kneaded her breasts and the only place she could find to comfortably locate her own hands was on his biceps - strong, solid biceps that her fingernails could dig into without garnering so much as a groan of disapproval or pain. She tried to watch him, but her eyes kept closing on her, and she arched her head back, exposing her throat to his punishing mouth and teeth. She wanted this, him… all of it. She almost wished he would bite her; drink from her - just a bit. She knew he was fighting it; keeping his demon inside, holding it back. She wanted him to let go, feel, be free.

He pulled up, looking down at her - her head back, her eyes closed, her throat bared, her body open to him. The demon side broke free and growled in animalistic hunger before sinking its teeth into the side of Harmony's left breast. Angel fought against the demon, but Harmony held his head against her, whimpering for him to drink and taste. He obliged and felt her tightening around him, reaching her climax, pulling him with her. Her blood on his tongue was intoxicating - not quite as rich as live, human blood, but enough to satiate the demon inside him. Her body moving with his was electric; he wanted to just stay, but he had to pull back, not drink all the blood from her body. He withdrew his fangs from her flesh and rested his head between her breasts; felt her hands running through his hair and over his neck. He licked the blood from his lips and the demon receded. "Harmony…"

"Shhh. We can talk in a minute," she told him and placed a soft kiss on his hair, then made a face as she got a taste of the hair gel he _did_ use.

That sounded nice - just resting his head against her chest, feeling her hands in his hair, feeling her skin beneath his hands - so soft. He rolled his head and kissed between her breasts, kissed up, along her neck, over her jaw, across her chin, finally settling at her mouth, tasting her lips, letting her tongue in to explore his mouth. It had been so long since he had let anyone get this close. But, why Harmony? Ditzy, blond vampire, ex-consort of Spike, decent secre… assistant, but why? Because she offered? To get back at Spike for any number of reasons on a very long list? Because she kissed him under the mistletoe that should have been taken down a week ago? Beyond that, it had been nice - something he needed. _I don't want to need that. Casual sex. It's not who I am. Even though I've done it two… three times in recent memory. Shit._ He lowered his head to her shoulder and sighed. "Harmony," he paused, not exactly sure what to say to her, "did it work?"

She giggled and scruffed his hair, which earned her a groan, but she just giggled more. "Well, unless that 'thud' earlier was the UPS guy dropping off a package, yeah, it worked. Better than I thought it would, actually." She craned her neck to look through the office windows, but found Angel had darkened them. _Huh, when did he do that?_ She smiled and pulled him in for a kiss. "That was fun. Think we should try it again?" she asked with another giggle.

Angel licked his lips nervously and pushed up, then backed away from her. "Uh, I don't know if that's a good idea," he replied and caught the pout on her face, either because he had broken their intimacy or because he was adjusting and closing his pants. "Look, Harmony…"

"Don't worry, Boss," she began as she sat up and started working on her blouse, "I won't say anything to anyone." She slid off the desk, straightened her skirt, then bent over to find her other shoe and quirked a grin at Angel looking up her skirt, thinking that she could not see him. "Though," she said as she put her shoe on, then stood up fully, "people might wonder why you're in such a good mood." She smiled and trailed a finger across his jawline.

He blinked and slid his hands into his pockets. "I'm still supposed to go to a bar with Spike. I doubt my good mood will last."

Harmony shrugged. "Too bad. You're fun when you're in a good mood." She reached up to kiss him. Then, she turned and knelt beside the desk to start cleaning up the mess she had insisted he make.

"Harmony," Angel said, tugging a hand out of a pocket and putting it on her shoulder, "it's okay. I'll get it. Run on out and have a good time tonight. Ring in the New Year."

She smiled at him again. "I already did." She rose from the floor and stepped around the desk. The startled expression on his face was so amusing, she found it difficult not to laugh at him. Angel shook his head and started picking up papers and supplies from the floor. "You sure you don't want any help?" she asked, leaning over the desk.

"No. I'm fine. Thanks." He dropped a stapler onto the desk with a 'thunk,' followed by a handful of loose paperclips.

"Suit yourself. Have a good night, Angel." She started for the door.

"You too," he responded from somewhere beneath the desk.

Harmony stopped just at the door and turned back to him. "Oh, and Angel," she waited for his head to poke up from behind the desk, "wear Spongebob tomorrow." She quirked a wicked smile at him and disappeared through the office door.

End


End file.
